Blowing out the candles to say goodbye to nineteen 
only to feel the same amount of existential dread as fourteen 
Everyone around me seems to handle aging so gracefully 
while I recount the past and mull over it repeatedly 

The cars race by and the trees stay in place 
just like my teenage years flash by but the dread stays
Nineteen marks the end of my teenage years
only for twenty to mark the beginning of my fears 

Every year that passes seems to be the same 
and ends with me wanting it back to spend it all again like it’s just a game 
This appears to be a universal feeling that does not have a name 
so I put on a face that can be defined as tame 

I know aging is a gift that cannot be overlooked 
but the search for the objective truth has me hooked 
Every night, a shadow creeps up behind me standing tall 
whispering into my ear, “What does it mean after all?”

This objective truth wears a deceptive mask 
but before I approach it, distractions take me everywhere I ask
Like the emperor who has no clothes 
pointing out the obvious lack of answer is something no one notes

The uncertainty seeps in and slowly consumes my mind 
only for it to never leave its bind 
A ferris wheel that goes round and round 
my search for the objective truth has no bound 

I’m no better than the person before me 
trying to find an answer to the question that cannot be 
Years pass by and nothing appears in plain sight 
yet the desire to know is something I can’t fight 

I want to be perceived as someone with range
whose wisdom grows with age 
Someone possessing depth, not ineptness 
composed of substance, not aesthetic falseness

I call myself epistemically curious and existentially dreadful 
trying to appear deep, not weep, and remain hopeful 
So, I spend a lot of time in my head 
to the point where I’m the only person my mind has read 

The desire for the objective truth continues to consume my mind 
but looking everywhere there is nothing I can find 
I convince myself that there is no objective truth, that perspectivism negates it all 
but seeking control in an uncertain world is my fatal fall 

The truth I keep chasing slowly turns into my muse 
floating everywhere and nowhere like an obvious ruse 
I justify that my raison d’être is to find the answer and shut the vault
but I can’t fight the feeling that it’s a mental construct, which is not my fault

Now, I’m blowing out dandelions from my hand 
making a wish that never seems to land 
The seeds spreading themselves travel far and wide 
just like the interpretations of the truth are on different sides of the tide 

Drowning in the ocean of doubt as I look up at the sun
swimming to reach it as a vantage point but it’s no fun 
Dragging me down are weights attached to my legs 
pleading ‘What’s the answer?’ the shadow of uncertainty begs 

I find myself washed up on the shore 
clasping sand in my hand on this unknown land wanting to know more 
I spot a settlement in the distance and wonder what’s going down 
so I walk up closer and realize that it’s a town 

A labyrinth decked with similarly structured houses 
coming with different numbers, colors, sizes, and faces 
Adorned with distinct ornaments making each house its own
but after looking everywhere, I am certain there is one that takes the crown 

Decorated in ubiquitous ornaments lies the ‘head house’ in the middle
inside are overflowing bookshelves circling a table containing a riddle 
An unsealed envelope and bleeded ink on the letter declares ‘cultivate your inner world’
reading over this, I gush at never being told a statement so bold 

‘Even knowing the objective truth, you would live the same way,’ 
claims the back of the letter and for once I can’t find anything to say 
It is the uncertainty of not knowing rather than a lack of an answer that drives me insane 
at this realization my quest finally ceases and I begin to live in my own lane 

I build my house brick by brick 
adorning it with ornaments and painting it in colors I pick 
If it is truly uncertainty more than the objective truth that keeps berating my brain
then I am better off cultivating my inner world and living life without any pain

I take off my glasses and look at everything from the sun 
my house is on the edge and away from the others like it’s making a run 
A shadow creeps up behind me asking a question that it thinks is clever 
and the only thing I can do is passively accept that this will linger forever